Whenever we have something valuable taken from us, anger is a natural and normal reaction. If you have found yourself becoming angry over the loss of your loved one, it is perfectly acceptable. Do not believe it's unacceptable to be angry. Something very valuable was taken from you.

• You may be angry if a loved one was taken prematurely.
• You may be angry if the loss of your loved one is creating financial hardships.
• If medical errors caused a premature death, your anger is understandable
• If the loss of your loved one was due to drunk drivers or acts of violence, your anger at the responsible individuals is common.
• You may find yourself angry at the disease that took your loved one.
• You may be angry at God that your loved one is no longer with you.
• You may be angry at yourself, thinking there may have been something else you could have done that may have helped them.
• In some instances, individuals are even angry at the person who passed away for leaving them.

There are many other reasons you may be experiencing anger. Typically, we think of anger as someone who is shouting, yelling or acting in typical stereotypes of anger.

But Lets Discover...."

Anger can be represented in several ways. First, you have the typical example of anger, someone shouting, and perhaps getting red in the face. They may be showing their anger to another person, or just "venting" about how unfair or unjust life is for them. Or they may be complaining about their streak of bad luck and unfortunate things that happen to them. However, some people have been taught not to show anger, or been forced to suppress any anger.

Unfortunately, when we experience anger, it has to go somewhere. Where else can anger go? For some, they turn the anger inward and blame themselves. This can result in feeling depressed, guilty, self-blaming or shame.

How Anger Impacts You

As we discussed in the previous lesson, for the most part, fear holds you back, keeps you from moving, immobilizes you. On the other hand, anger may cause you to act out, sometimes even uncontrolled when you "lose it". Anger destroys lives, marriages, friendships, careers, educational opportunities, businesses, and social institutions.

If anger is turned inward, the feelings of guilt, shame or depressing thoughts can be overwhelming and keep you from reaching your full potential in your life.

There a Time to be Angry ...and a Time to Let it Go

Although your anger is understandable and justified, there comes a point in time when you need to let it go. Only you can decide when that time is. But somewhere in your path to healing and restoration, you need to let go and release the anger....and if possible...forgive.

The Three Exercises to Release Anger

Now that you understand how anger is created and the many ways you can experience it, lets again look at the three exercises in resolving the anger. They are:

• Exercise # 1 Identify how the losses you are experiencing, are creating anger and in what form you experienced it.
• Exercise # 2 Explore how you will feel and act when you have released the anger and forgive.
• Exercise # 3 Use Guided Imagery to help you release the anger and forgive.

Lets Begin By

Exercise # 1: Understanding Your Anger

In Lesson # 2, you identified the personal losses you are experiencing as a result of the passing of your loved one. For each or some of the major losses, try to figure out if this is creating anger and how you are experiencing or expressing it. We typically experience anger in the following ways:

• Anger towards others
• Becoming bitter or cynical
• Anger towards the world
• Angry at God
• Turning the anger in towards yourself and experiencing it as depressing thoughts, guilt, or shame.
• Anger at those you feel contributed to the loss of your loved one
• Anger at the person you lost for leaving you.

So for this exercise, you may want to get paper and list your losses, and how you believe you are experiencing the anger

Grieving Consultants Available If you would benefit from talking to someone to help you understand how you are experiencing anger, I have trained caring, consultants who can help you on the telephone. Your grieving consultant costs $30 per half hour, billed to a credit card. For more information e-mail coach@tranquilities.com of call toll free 1-877-345-3892. Leave a message with your contact information and the best time to return a call.

Exercise #2: Envisioning New Thought Processes

Now just like before, answer these questions for each anger you identified:

Question # 1

How would it feel if I no longer felt angry/bitter/depressed/guilty/shameful/resentful/cynical regarding (one of the losses you identified as a result of the passing of your loved one)

Question # 2

Then, answer the following question for each one. How would I act and behave differently, or how would my world change, if I no longer felt angry/bitter/depressed/ guilty/shameful/resentful/cynical regarding (one of your losses you identified) ?

Question # 3

Then finally, contemplate and answer this question;

How would I feel, if I acted and behaved as I just described in the last question?

Don't be surprised if you are really taken back and stunned by your answers. These are powerful questions, and when answered properly, will begin to change your life.

Exercise #3: Guided Imagery to Release the Anger and Forgive

Now that you have seen the life benefits of releasing anger, guilt, shame or depressing thoughts and forgiving, the next step is do the mental imaging work that easily teaches and instructs you how you can do this.

It's for this reason that Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Grief includes the CD and aromatherapy blend called Release. The CD gently walks you through the mental imaging process that will gently guide you to release anger, and if appropriate, to forgive.

If you desire, you can use the tracks on the CD that include references to inviting God's presence and an Old Testament scripture is read, or can use the track that does not have these religious references.

In Lesson Seven, I will explain in full detail what Guided Imagery is, how it works, and how you can use it to create new positive ways of thinking, but here's a brief overview of the Release CD Rest comfortably with head phones and close your eyes as you listen to the CD Rev. Donna Shenk and myself will be speaking on the CD, and will guide you into a state of relaxation though breathing and relaxing your muscles. Soft classical hymns and the sounds of the gentle rain in the mountains will help you deeply relax. We invite you to feel Gods presence and read an Old Testament scripture in one track, or invite Christ's presence and read a New Testament Scripture on another track on the CD. We will guide you into making a mental picture or metaphor of your anger, guilt, shame or depressing thoughts as a hot ember inside of you. We will then gently guide you into picturing and imagining the hot ember being removed from you and placed in the gentle rain, where it cools. (I will explain this in detail in lesson #7) You will be instructed to say affirmations and smell the Release aromatherapy oil You will be told to open your eyes, feeling better than you have all day.

This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a very powerful technique that will gently help you release these harmful feelings

I believe that guided imagery is the easiest, most effective, and fastest way to learn these important principles that will change your life. Learning how to beat stress, feel good about yourself, move past your fears and stop worry has never been easier !

This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a very powerful technique that will gently help you understand new, positive ways of thinking. If you would like to learn more about these CDs, please visit www.tranquilities.biz/grieving.cfm

Learning to release anger is an important step in your Path to Healing and Restoration.

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In lesson # 5, we will begin the process of discovering how these losses, fears and anger can lower your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

For Your Healing and Restoration,

Robert Miller ND

For Your Next Lesson, #5, please go to:

Grieving Support Lesson 5