In Lesson # 2, you identified the personal losses you are experiencing as a result of the passing of your loved one. For each or some of the major losses, try to figure out how this is impacting your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Here's a few ideas as to how a loss impacts some individuals. It may help you discover how your self-worth and self-esteem has been impacted as a result of your loss:

• If you lost a parent while a being child, it is not uncommon to feel as though you are not as equipped for life since you did not have this parent in your life, and hence, lowered self-esteem.
• When losing a spouse, some individuals reported their feelings of self-worth being tied to a spouses success or community standing.
• When losing a spouse, many people report feeling lowered self-esteem as they try to cope and feel inadequate without their spouse.
• When losing a child, some people believe their children are their future, and without them, their self-worth and feelings of value declines.
• If the loss is someone who acted as a mentor, and you looked to them for guidance or encouragement, some people find this contributes to lowered feelings of self-value.
• For some individuals, if they feel like a victim as a result of losing their loved one, its not unusual to experience lowered self-esteem.

So for this exercise, you may want to get paper and list your losses, and how you believe they are impacting your feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.

Go back to your original list of loss issues, this time, trying to figure out how they impacted your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. This one can be a little tricky, because it would be easy to say to every one of them, yes that chipped away at my self-esteem. However, I'd like you to go just a little farther. For each one, answer this question, "In regards to my self-worth and sense of self-esteem, this loss made be feel ____________

Responses I have heard over the years to this question are; inadequate, stupid, unlikable, of no value, unlovable, defective, incapable, etc.

Let me give you an example. If for example your loss is a spouse, you may feel lowered self-esteem as a result of not feeling capable of handing duties they performed. In this instance, you could identify that you may feel incapable or inadequate.

So Let's Keep Going With.....

Exercise # 2 Picturing and Imagining a Positive Future

As you did for the other emotions, answer these questions, "imagining" or "pretending" you felt this way. Don't worry or think how "how" you will ever get there, for now, just concentrate on how it "will feel" when you do feel this way.

Now, go through these loss issues and feelings and answer the following questions:

Question # 1

For each negative way you felt about yourself that you identified above, think of the opposite positive feeling, such as; adequate, intelligent, wanted, likeable, worthy, valuable, attractive, lovable, good as you are, capable, wanted, wise, etc.

After you have the word, ask yourself and explore this question:

What would it feel like, if you believed that you were ( put in the opposite positive statement here) about yourself?

Then...Move On To.....

Question # 2

How would you act and behave differently, when you felt (positive word)

And then finally.....

Question # 3

How would it feel, if you acted and behaved as you described above?

As you do this, pay attention to your posture. There's a good chance you may sit up a little straighter. Your countenance may look more confident. If you are saying these out loud, your voice may become more confident. This is a powerful exercise. You are planting seeds in your brain that will germinate over time.

[Pager],If you would like to share your experience with this exercise, I'd be glad to hear from you. Simply e-mail me at stressresearch@tranquilities.com. Feel free to copy and paste the following form into an e-mail and enter your answers.

Hi Bob, Here's what I just experienced going through this exercise: The person I lost was ________________________. One of the losses I am dealing with is the loss of _________________________________. This impacted my self-esteem by making me feel ___________________________(negative emotion). When I pictured and imagined that I felt ____________ (positive emotion) I felt _____________________________. Any other comments:

It is not unusual that persons who are experiencing the grief of losing a loved one sometimes have difficulty understanding how the losses they are experiencing are impacting their self-esteem and self worth. Some people can do much better when they have someone to speak to, and guide them through the process.

Grieving Consultants Available If you would benefit from talking to someone to help you understand how your loss is impacting your feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, I have trained caring, consultants who can help you on the telephone. Your personal grieving consultant costs $30 per half hour, billed to a credit card. For more information e-mail coach@tranquilities.com of call toll free 1-877-345-3892. Leave a message with your contact information and the best time to return a call.

Exercise #3: Guided Imagery to Restore Your Self-Esteem

Now that you have seen the life benefits of restoring your sense of self-worth and self-esteem, the next exercise is do the mental imaging work that easily teaches and instructs you how you can do this.

It's for this reason that Tranquilities for Persons Experiencing Grief includes the CD and aromatherapy blend called Value. The CD gently walks you through the mental imaging process that will gently guide you to release the negative self-emotions , and if rebuild and restore your self-esteem.

You can use the tracks on the CD that include references to inviting God's presence and an Old Testament scripture is read, or can use the track that references feeling Christ's presence and a New Testament scripture is read.

In Lesson Seven, I will explain in full detail what Guided Imagery is, how it works, and how you can use it to create new positive ways of thinking, but here's a brief overview of the Value CD Rest comfortably with head phones and close your eyes as you listen to the CD Rev. Donna Shenk and myself will be speaking on the CD, and will guide you into a state of relaxation though breathing and relaxing your muscles. Classical hymns and the sounds of a campfire in a wooded area will help you deeply relax. We will guide you into making a mental picture of a life sorrow issue as a weight on your shoulders, pulling you down. We will then gently guide you into picturing and imagining the weight being placed in the campfire, where it is consumed by the flames. (I will explain this in detail in lesson #7) You will be instructed to say affirmations and smell the Value aromatherapy oil Finally, you will be instructed to open your eyes, feeling better than you have all day.

This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a very powerful technique that will gently help you release these harmful feelings

I believe that guided imagery is the easiest, most effective, and fastest way to learn these important principles that will change your life.

This entire process only takes about 20 minutes. It may sound simplistic, but it is a very powerful technique that will gently help you understand new, positive ways of thinking. If you would like to learn more about these CDs, please visit www.tranquilities.biz/grieving.cfm

Learning to restore your self-esteem and self-worth is an important step in your Path to Healing and Restoration

Before ending our lesson, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that I believe that you are made in God's image and likeness, and as a result, have much worth and value. The loss of a loved one, as devastating as it may be, doesn't change this.

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In lesson # 6, we will begin the process of discovering how these losses, fears and anger can create worry, anxiety or over thinking, and the steps you can take to find peace of mind.

For Your Healing and Restoration,

Robert Miller ND

To continue with your lesson # 6, please go to:

Grieving lesson 6